Motherhood

No one could have told me what it means to be a mother. I guess it started today just after we got back from the zoo. I sat on the floor in Elizabeth's room, building a tower out of her little board books. Just when the tower reached 4 books high, she would gleefully knock over the tower. I would then moan a little and she would laugh her strongest, hardiest belly laugh I've ever heard. I remember sitting on the floor thinking to myself that I could not love being a mommy any more than I did at that moment. Then I got up to go get daddy and Elizabeth started crying- crying because she thought I was leaving her and our fun was over. My heart swelled even bigger.

Fast forward an hour and you'll find me giving Little Miss her bath. Tonight her tub was full of bubbles and our bathroom was filled with joy. Every so often, Elizabeth would lean over to examine the bubbles and the closer she got to the water, the louder her squeals of excitement. She would get so close, then when her excitement got the best of her she would throw herself forward and come up with a face full of bubbles and peels of laughter. I remember thinking that life is truly amazing and I couldn't love my baby anymore than I did at that moment. I thanked God for giving me this life to love and nurture and above all, a glimpse at His love for us.

The moment that made me realize, once again, that my life is perfect happened while I was rocking my baby to sleep. The song "Me" came on by Plumb. And once again, I did everything in my power to make a memory. Have you ever done that? I was actually thinking that this is a moment I don't ever want to forget. The smell of my baby so fresh from the bath, the feel of her warm skin surrounded by her soft fleecy jammies, the way she looked up at me while nursing and drifting off to sleep. But my most favorite part, the way she reached out to take hold of my hand because, I am her comfort. I am her lovey, her security. For now, she holds my hand to fall asleep. And I cherish it. I know there will be a time in our lives when she no longer needs me. A time when she wont want me. A time, when her world revolves around friends and boys and her future.  I look toward that time with a mixture of both dread and awe. But that time is not now, and I try not to think of it. Instead, I look at her and love her in the moment.